Loving Someone In Active Addiction

1 year ago ·

Loving Someone In Active Addiction

There is a constant overwhelming feeling of fear and worry when you love someone in active addiction. Whether it be a friend, child, parent or spouse the nightmare is the same. I say nightmare because that’s what it feels like, and anyone who has been in this position I’m sure would say the same.

When you love someone, who is actively in addiction you tend to blame yourself. Was there something I could have done to prevent this? I should of know, why didn’t I see this coming? While they refuse to take responsibility, they will proceed to tell you, and everyone around them it’s their fault. We may or may not know this, but we must understand that there is no control over an actively addicted mind. As much as we want to shake that person and ask them why. The truth is they don’t know why they allow their lives to spiral so far out of control. Most of the time when they do realize the damage has already been done.

Every addict has their own rock bottom, and even though we think about all the destruction, broken promises, this “nightmare” has caused. If they do not see it as their rock bottom and are willing to get help as their loved ones we cannot fix them. I know this from experience. I have been on both sides, the addict and loving an addict. Through my experiences loving an addict can be far more painful than being in active addiction. I am not trying to minimize what an addict goes through but for the loved ones, we stay up all hours of the night wondering if their okay. Try to put on a fake smile and hold it together just to make it through our work day. Continuously waiting for the dreaded phone call that they were in an accident or worse dead. While they are out running around, all we can do is sit wait, and hope they are safe, and pray for this to end.

For anyone who has a loved one in active addiction please remember this is not your fault, and you are not alone. We may need to love them from a far but they are still loved, and when they are willing and ready to receive help the best thing we can do is be there.

 

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A Mark of Disgrace or Infamy

1 year ago ·

A Mark of Disgrace or Infamy

The stigma of addiction. Most of us have dealt with addiction in one form or another, and even with the severity of opioid addiction becoming more prevalent in the recent years, we still label addicts as junkies, crackheads, criminals, and fiends just to name a few. What most of us seem to forget is that junkie is someone’s mother, that criminal is someone’s child. We are all human and come in to and leave this world the same way.

I myself am an addict in recovery, and for so long struggled with the stigma around addiction. It made me feel different from everyone else, like I was beneath them. The simplest daily tasks I didn’t want to do, because I felt like anyone who looked at me saw me as a junkie. That all they had to do was take one look at me and could tell. This happened even after having some time in recovery.

My addiction started when I was 17 years old, 6 months after my 18th birthday I had managed to destroy my car, lost my job, got arrested, and while all my friends were preparing for collage I was trying to figure out how to get more drugs. I battled active addiction on and off for 8 years, I struggled with everyone’s perception of me, and as human beings do, I was so worried about what everyone else thought. One day I sat down and really thought about it. Why did I feel this way? Why was I so worried about what everyone thought? You know what the answer was I wasn’t okay with myself. I wasn’t proud of everything I had done in my recovery. I didn’t truly love myself. At this point I realized yes there is always going to be a stigma around addiction, but I am proud of myself, and we as recovering addicts need to change this stigma the powerful, negative perceptions commonly associated with substance abuse and addiction. In doing so we can change thoughts and ideas others may have about addiction. We can show them how powerful, recovery is, and if they just have compassion for the suffering addict, then maybe they won’t feel unwanted, different, embarrassed to ask for the help. I fight every day for another day sober. Let’s drop the stigma and help someone take the first step and get one day.

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An Evening of Education and Support on Addiction

2 years ago ·

An Evening of Education and Support on Addiction

An Evening of Education and Support on Addiction, sponsored by Recovery at the Crossroads and Lev Rochel Bikur Cholim of Lakewood was held this past Wednesday, June 27. Guest speakers included Rabbi Shlomo Gissinger Shlita and Lew Abrams, ACSW, LCSW, CASAC.
Those present were privileged to hear from some of the most acclaimed experts in the field of addiction, getting educated about addiction and receiving resources for recovery. There is a solution!

ADDICTION- The word addiction sends shivers down my spine, the reason being that I understand addiction very well; not from a clinical standpoint and not from a rabbinical standpoint but from an addict’s standpoint.

If you look up the definition of addiction you will find many different explanations; the most common being a disease of the brain with compulsive behaviors. I, however, have my own definition from my personal experience as a frum Jew who attended Yeshiva growing up. My definition of Addiction is the Malach HaMaves. That may sound harsh to some people, but I believe addiction is actually worse than the Malach HaMaves… the Malach HaMaves takes one individual at a time while addiction takes and destroys entire families at once.

That being said, the fact that I am writing this and that I am here today is not to talk about all the misery and destruction that goes along with addiction, but rather the freedom and happiness that comes along with recovery. I am so lucky and grateful to have had this experience. People who have suffered from this disease and are willing and able to put in the work and become honest with themselves and others, live lives that others cannot fathom or would never dream of.

Throughout my journey, I went to many treatment centers and through it all, I had no option of receiving treatment with other addicts coming from the same background. Today, however, we have options for both men and women at licensed facilities such as Recovery at the Crossroads… where men and women from the community have the opportunity to experience Shabbos and Yom Tov and all the other beautiful gifts of Judaism that I took for granted while receiving therapy and gaining skills necessary to stay clean and sober and live productive, happy and wholesome lives.

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